How we get in the way of our Happiness & Success
In our latest blog, Theta Healer and Reiki Master Jessi Maybury talks about how we get in the way of our own happiness and success.
1. We allow messages from the past to control our thinking about the future.
We all carry messages, reflections of ourselves, delivered by others: the perfectionist parent, the parent who always compared you to your older/younger sibling, the friend who said you were not pretty enough or thin enough, or the first boyfriend who made you believe you weren't good enough. Every negative message impacts on our self-image as surely as distortions accumulating in a mirror. They climb inside your subconscious, take over, and direct your decisions and
choices without you ever realising it.
Of course these negative messages were not intended to purposely ruin your life. Chances are they were misguided attempts to make you behave or conform to some ideal standard. Perhaps those voicing the hurtful words were lamely trying to inspire by providing themselves as examples. Whatever the source, whatever the reason, the problem is that, at the time, we took those damaging comments as truth and believed them. If we still believe we have to stop.
If this is making you wonder about your own subconscious messages, then good!!!
You should try to identify the messages you carry around because guaranteed, they are incorrectly internalised. Whatever we believe, we create. This is the first step in rewiring your thoughts. I believed I was worthless, so every time something went wrong in my life I took it as proof that I was worthless. I was perpetuating a self-fulfilling prophecy. And we all do this!
Whatever your negative messages are, instead of looking for proof that they’re true, look for proof that they are false. Before you go to bed at night, take a few minutes and reflect back on your day. Instead of obsessing about all the things you think you did wrong, or didn't do well enough, FOCUS ON THE THINGS YOU DID RIGHT! Acknowledge the errors, fix them, learn from them, but focus on all of the positive aspects of the day and your ability to move forward. You can't get rid of nagging negative messages overnight but you can start to replace them with positive ones over time.
2. We teach people how to treat us
Unfortunately, we don’t always realise we’re doing it. We teach spouses, friends, colleagues, our boss and even our children how to treat us. I have a friend who provides a perfect example. When she wants something done around the house she asks once, and then again and again….
And after 3 times of asking she does the chore herself. What has her partner learned? That if he doesn’t do it, she will. This leaves her feeling upset and angry because he appears to not listen or care. What is your behaviour teaching others about how to treat you?
3. We measure our insides against everyone else’s outsides
All of these negative messages we carry around guide our thoughts, actions and choices. When we encounter someone who appears happy and successful and who tells us how wonderful life is, we feel somehow ‘less than’. Which only supports our negative beliefs about ourselves. The truth is, we don’t really know what's going on with the other person on the inside; we’re only looking at the outside and measuring our inside thoughts and feelings against the other persons outside appearance. It's like comparing an orchid and a brick wall. The two are very different. Stop measuring how you feel inside against how others look on the outside.
4. We do other people’s thinking for them
“Oh I can't apply for that promotion/open my own business… I'm not smart/experienced/educated enough…”
Does that sound familiar? How many times do you let your thoughts and beliefs about your own knowledge, skills and abilities stand in the way of your success? How many times do you allow the negative messages to provide more weight in decision making than the positive ones. The only true failure is the failure to try. Doors remain shut when you don't try the handle. Commit to yourself that you will take action and try.
5. We stand in the way of our own success
Fear is a powerful emotion. Years of negative thoughts and beliefs create belief patterns that are sometimes hard to break. The bottom line is this…. There is only one block that stands in the way of you having the life you want and that's YOU!! We stand in our own way, we believe the messages from the past, and we allow people to treat us in unacceptable ways. We measure how we feel on the inside against how other people look on the outside, and project our beliefs about
ourselves that are driven by low self-esteem onto others people’s thinking. All of this creates an emotional arena in which we can't possibly succeed.
How do you change this?
You start to notice how you think, what you believe, what thoughts are you running all the time in your mind that make you feel like its impossible, like you cant do
this? Are you constantly telling yourself you are stupid, not good enough, or will never succeed?
Notice what that voice is saying, how you talk to yourself. The first step is to become AWARE. If we are aware we have the opportunity to do something, to take action to change it, we have a choice. We can choose to change the voice. To replace it with a positive message instead (these are called affirmations).
If you have a specific goal or thing in mind you could visualise yourself succeeding and see how that feels to you? If that feels uncomfortable then that's a very good place to start. Why do i feel uncomfortable with the idea of success? What could happen if I am successful?
Sometimes (in fact very often) it is the fear of what could go RIGHT that holds us back. This is the basis of much of the work I do, I help others to identify and become aware of the things that hold them back or cause them suffering . , and then we do the work to change them. We change them to feelings of empowerment, of self belief, of self love and confidence.