Happy you, happy me

There is a scene in a famous movie where the line “you complete me” is used. Many have dreamt or idealized someone saying this to them. There can be a longing for a feeling when the world makes more sense or to be finally seen and fully accepted.

Putting that much weight onto someone or something else to feel complete or happy can lead to our own happiness only being fully achievable from outside of ourselves. It is within our own mind, body and soul that we live. Our own existence. Surely, we have to learn to find a sense of being complete within first.

As soon as our expectations of others are not met, we can return to that feeling of emptiness or rejection. We can feel despondent or lesser than.

Consider being the one that someone has placed their entire happiness on. How weighted would that feel? Would this lead to a healthy balanced relationship?

Perhaps first knowing you meant that much to someone would feel good? How sustainable would that be?

If we place our own happiness on someone else, aren’t we asking too much of them? Is it like saying “make me happy”?

Why can we place our happiness below others to the extent that we lose ourselves? This can be a sign of codependency. Codependency often stems from childhood and growing up in a home where emotions are ignored or punished. This can cause emotional neglect and lead to low self-esteem and shame. Children may end up believing their needs do not have value. It is not only frustrating for the person suffering from the condition, but it can be very exhausting for whoever is on the other end of the relationship. Codependency is often linked with physical or emotional abuse and can hinder a person to have and maintain healthy and satisfying relationships.

Codependency can be also referred to as “relationship addiction,” and is not limited to romantic relationships. Other examples can be when a parent does everything for their adult child, it means that the parent is codependent, and an adult may be codependent when they neglect their own responsibilities to meet their parents’ demands.

Codependency is quite common in relationships where addiction is present. Commonly the addict is cared for by their partner and this can lead to enabling and codependency. This can be common for people who have been raised with an addicted parent, which brings in the role of the family in codependency.

What are some signs of codependency?

Having trouble articulating feelings and emotions

Wanting to be liked by everyone

Feeling the need to control and fix others

Having trouble setting clear boundaries

Setting aside own interests and needs to do what others want

If you recognize some of these traits in your life, consider seeking support for codependency recovery.

Acknowledgement can be a massively positive first step to self-acceptance and a fulfilling life. Walking at peace with ourselves is possible when we allow steps to heal.

If you would like to know more or seek support, contact me through my profile https://centreforintegralhealth.com/about-us/our-practitioners/andrea-lines/.

Andrea Lines – Holistic Practitioner