Breaking the stress around the need for alcohol

During this alcohol awareness week and international stress awareness week, our resident RTT, Hypnotherapy and Life Coach, Marcus Matthews, talks about how we can break the stress around the need for alcohol.

"Many of my clients come to me due to stress, anxiety, overwhelm and often confidence and self-esteem issues.

When it comes to the narrative around most mental health we see coping and managing as a successful strategy, but this in many ways is a stressor – no one wants to cope and manage right?

Logically all the tools are available, all the data is known, yet why are we unable to find the freedom we require.

We hide our stress
We hide our addictions
We armour up
We say I’m fine
We just don’t know why we feel the way we do

 

Want to gain back control?

Many of my clients achieve freedom from a range of sabotaging behaviours, from thoughts of not being good enough, different and the life they need not being available.

We know what we know
We know what we feel

But……

We don’t know what we don’t know
So how can we feel the way we need to feel.

The answer lies in our need for connection, and to feel safe

Addiction is about connection

The NHS performs thousands of operations every day and sterilising their tools with alcohol.

We use lots of drugs, even medical grade heroin for pain relief so why isn’t your grandmother who had a hip operation is a junkie?

One of the major factors of stress and addiction, is the feeling of disconnection.

In his book Lost Connections Johan Hari says that there are nine causes of disconnection.

Disconnection from meaningful work.

Disconnect from others.

Disconnect from meaningful values.

Childhood trauma.

Disconnect from status.

Disconnect from nature.

Disconnect from a secure and hopeful future.

Genes.

I would argue he is right in all cases logically, maybe there is an argument around genetics however genetics really is our inner programming, who we believe we are, moreover how we feel.

What if there is a 10^th – Disconnection from self?

When we don’t know who we are, how can we navigate to where we need to be.

This disconnection for me is like a drunk driver, out of control and dangerous.

No wonder we feel stressed and want to numb it out.

We are hard-wired to seek connection and avoid rejection. If you dig deep enough into the emotional problems of almost anyone, you can trace their issues back to a lack of fulfilment of those needs and that they really are like a child requiring validation and purpose.

Without this and looking externally to others we feel shame and guilt.

The truth is though it’s not the adult that is suffering, it’s the inner child.

Often it’s not the big trauma’s or abuses that are the foundation to the stress or addiction, it’s often the small things, forgotten in the past and when we reconnect all those parts of us that have become fracture we can become whole again.

A few years ago I had a clients who had spent many years in pubs as a child and as an adult. His drinking socially had become part of his life and his health was suffering. So much so that the day of his session he was rushed into hospital.

On his return we did the session, and you may think “well he has been in pubs all his life that’s the issue”.

That wasn’t the root cause.

As a child his father worked hard and didn’t spend the time with him he required, not out of abuse but out of love.

His father worked hard to provide for his family, but the very thing his father was working for connection, purpose, love, disconnected him emotionally from his son.

Craving that connection my client connected to the only thing his dad connected with Alcohol.

The alcohol would never say “I’m busy”
The alcohol would never say “no”
The alcohol was always there.

The alcohol would fill him up, to fill the void of love and connection that he craved as a child.

You see the mind does what it thinks is in your best interest, it doesn’t know good or bad and as soon as this 60 year old man realised he drank to connect with his father he gave up.

He knew the truth about how hard his father worked for him and his father actually died from alcoholism, as he felt and realised the pattern which was manifesting in his relationships, he chose love.

Love for himself and love for his family and friends because that was true connection.

Any addiction serves a purpose, but often these programmes run in our subconscious and unconscious mind so we can find ourselves consciously knowing we need to change but emotionally something drives us to keep the habit going.

Willpower alone won’t work, because the conscious mind runs 5% of what we do, whilst our subconscious emotional mind runs 95% of how we feel, so in the battle of emotion and logic, emotion always wins.

If you want to find freedom it doesn’t have to be hard when you understand the root cause.

Your mind truly wants what is best for you, but it just needs some guidance.

Change the feeling, change the story, change your life."

If you would like to learn more or talk to Marcus about how he could help you, contact him through his profile on the website here https://centreforintegralhealth.com/about-us/our-practitioners/marcus-matthews/